Why Gov. Dennis Daugaard Needs To Recruit The Porn Industry To South Dakota

My mind.

You must be wondering about the state of my mind.

Between this post and another one posted earlier this week, it does not paint a flattering picture of what I dwell on in a given day.

But I take what inspiration I’m given and run a pen (or keyboard) with it. I make no apologies.

My only hope is that I inspire you to laugh or think. Maybe a little of both.

Without further ado, here is my absolutely, totally, ridiculously serious argument for why Gov. Dennis Daugaard needs to encourage the porn industry to migrate from LA to South Dakota. Let me know what you think.

———

Sit down. Get comfortable. Take off your clothes.
Hey, sugar, we’re going to take a walk on the wild side.
That, of course, is where I lay out an outrageous argument and make it seem kind of, sort of reasonable if you don’t think about it too hard.
I mean, what I’m about to propose is at least as reasonable as the education plan Gov. Dennis Daugaard introduced earlier this year without any supporting evidence that the ideas would work despite failing elsewhere. The Legislature has since approved that, so you just watch. This idea could go mainstream in Pierre.
Ready? Take my — hey, careful! — hand.
Word started leaking out of California earlier this year that Los Angeles will, beginning March 5, require porn performers to wear condoms while on location for health and safety reasons. According to the Los Angeles Times, the new rule has some in the pornography industry threatening to “boogie” out of the city.
The audience, it turns out, prefers adult entertainment sans the safety measures, meaning that while protection may be good for an actor’s health, it isn’t all that good for the producer’s profits.
So the logical question is, if the porn business wants to boogie, why not invite them to dance in South Dakota?
Daugaard is already fond of going to California to lure businesses to this state. In the last several months, we know he has courted manufacturing and dairy interests. From there, would it really be much of a stretch for him to encourage the manufacturing of pornography in the state?
We’ve got plenty of space out here to build warehouses and sets. Plus, the governor can sell industry leaders on our business-friendly tax environment and our firm belief that government should not interfere with the invisible hand of the free market. That hand is sacred and should not be dirtied by government. If the free market calls for no condoms, then they should stay in their wrappers.
Can I get an amen?
Next, think about all the young people the industry would bring to the state. I don’t care how much you talk about low taxes and what a great place to raise a family South Dakota is, that’s not going to solve our youth exodus. But if the porn industry were to set up shop in the state, I guarantee the youth would follow.
And here’s the beautiful thing: Most performers don’t make pornography a long-term career plan. So when they are tired of “acting” for a living, we can throw them into a job training program to fill one of those 41,000 positions projected to be created in South Dakota between 2008 and 2018. The state’s available job force is expected to shrink unless we can do something major to turn the tide. Many of those jobs will be for engineers, accountants, IT professionals, welders, machinists and health care professionals. Hey, there’s a good chance that porn performers will have at least portrayed a member of half of those professions on the screen. That’s a good start.
Wouldn’t it be much more economical to bring an industry to South Dakota that would recruit young people as a course of its day-to-day business than to pay a firm like Manpower taxpayer funds to bring workers into the state as the governor has proposed?
Let’s get rid of the middle man and solve the labor shortage problem in the process.
And here is the final, ahem, blow. In its reporting on the issue, the Los Angeles Times noted that economists had estimated a decade ago that the porn industry generated $4 billion each year in sales and provided 10,000 to 20,000 jobs annually to actors, makeup artists, camera crews, caterers and related professions.
Four billion dollars is just about equal to the spending in South Dakota’s entire state budget. Think about the amount of revenue the industry could generate for the state. Remember the old stereotype about a young man or woman entering porn and exotic dancing to fund his or her college education? Well, in this case, the industry could go a long ways toward funding South Dakota’s K-college system.
So what do you think, South Dakota? Look at the facts, this is clearly a case where XXX marks the spot.

One thought on “Why Gov. Dennis Daugaard Needs To Recruit The Porn Industry To South Dakota

  1. The industry, and its workers, would be right at home with the Sturgis Rally and the Hells Angels “Convention” in Spearfish.

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