Biscuit Fight!!!

Loyal readers of the daily record have been rewarded with some interesting entries lately.

There was the naked cowboy:

A report was received at 5:02 a.m. Wednesday of a man in a cowboy hat and black shirt — but nothing else — hiding behind a dumpster in the 300 block of Walnut St. Someone had apparently taken his pants, and he was trying to make his way home, police said. He was arrested for public indecency.

I cannot confirm or deny this, but his girlfriend may have been the pants nabber. Ah, young love.

Then, of course, there was the key tree:

A report was received at 8:59 p.m. Thursday that car keys were stuck in a tree at Memorial Park. A young woman had been tossing her car keys in the air when they became stuck on a branch. She attempted to knock the keys out of the tree by throwing one of her shoes at them. However, the shoe also became stuck in the tree not far from the keys. The keys were rescued from the tree, but the shoe was too high and could not be saved.

I’ll give you a moment to wipe away your tears. Such a sad tale.

Now, there were a few things that didn’t make the record. Things you can’t imagine.

And for good reason, you wouldn’t want to waste your time dreaming up these small matters. But I think you’ll find them worth a few chuckles.

I was going through the reports last week when I came across one that simply read, “BISCUIT FIGHT.”

Biscuit fight?

I had to know more.

I made a call to a well-placed source who accused me of wanting to know more just so I could put it on the blog.

Busted.

But I did it for you, dear readers.

It turns out a juvenile female had come across her parents throwing hard biscuits at one another. She freaked out. She called 9-1-1.

But as she was talking to the dispatcher, she realized she had perhaps overreacted.

Her parents had just been having a good-natured biscuit fight like any normal American family is wont to do. Case closed.

This week, I came across another report that gave me a peek into the wild and crazy things the kids are into these days.

I warn you, it’s pretty disturbing.

Behold:

A report was received at 11:29 p.m. Friday of a vehicle with a dome light on in Riverside Park. Contact was made with four females who advised were just rolling down the hills and staying out past curfew since they just turned 18. They were advised not to go in the river.

Sage advice.

I must say, I’m really worried about our youth. We must do something to stop hill rolling. Just say no to the roll.

(Oh, and thanks for making me laugh today, girls! Wait, I shouldn’t encourage them …)

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