Today’s Sermon: Don’t Urinate On A House Of Worship

Several lessons could be drawn from an entry I wrote up today for the Daily Record (which can be read in its entirety in tomorrow’s Press & Dakotan).

Let’s begin with the entry:

• A report was received at 3:28 p.m. Friday of a male urinating in some bushes by a church in the 1700 block of Burleigh St. before getting into a Buick Regal. An occupant of the vehicle also threw a beer bottle out of it. The driver was located in the 1700 block of Mulberry and arrested for driving under the influence.

First lesson? Don’t pee on the bushess at a church. If someone sees you, they are automatically going to think you are a big time jag-off. All eyes are going to be on you.

Lesson number two: Don’t travel with someone who is going to do something even more egregious than your peeing on church bushes — such as throwing a beer bottle out of the vehicle you are driving and giving those eyes that are on you even more reason to call the cops.

Lesson number three: This is probably the most important lesson, and one that you, my smart and sophisticated readers, have already surmised. Don’t drink and drive. Doing so can easily lead to the story above and give you a lot of heartburn that you don’t need in your life.

That is all for today’s sermon, boys and girls. Now, please, go and spread the word.

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