Nathan Johnson, Mouse Hunter

* This is not REALLY a picture of me.

I seem to spend a lot of time on this blog talking about my unreasonable fear/hatred of certain animals.
I must come off as a real speciesist bigot. Perhaps one day I’ll attempt to deal with my sickness.
That being said, I brutally murdered a mouse last night.
Yes, I do feel a little guilty about it. But, truth be told, I prefer that to having a mouse sharing my apartment.
And, hey, I don’t have a cat to do my dirty work for me.
It was just before bed when I heard the telling noise in the walls revealing that a mouse had the audacity to conduct a home invasion.
I suspect it didn’t know about my history, chronicled previously on this blog, as a mouse hunter.
I didn’t have any mouse traps or poison on hand, so I resolved that first thing in the morning I would go purchase those supplies and initiate the war this intruder’s presence demanded.
In the meantime, I did my best to ignore the running I heard in the wall of my bedroom and get some much-needed beauty rest.
I managed to get an hour of sleep when I suddenly woke up. My mouse-hunting instincts were engaged. Something wasn’t right.
Within minutes, I heard a “plop” that was too close for comfort.
My room has an uncovered cable outlet in the wall, and I was sure I had just heard the mouse enter the room’s confines through that breach in my defenses.
I turned on the lamps around my bed and listened to the intruder’s progress. Soon, we were visually engaged.
The mouse was in the corner of my room sniffing around some shoes.
Adrenaline coursed through my body.
I had been willing to conduct a gentlemanly war with this mouse — perhaps offering it some tasty poison it could consume at its leisure — but now it had entered my sanctuary, my temple. It had violated my sacred space.
Anger flared to my head.
I grabbed a boot and yelled, “No!” as I brought it slamming down on the mouse’s body. A second blow created a still corpse.
The invasion was over. Silence once again fell over my bedroom.
Calmly, I left the scene, grabbed a plastic bag and collected the body of my enemy.
A reasonable thought entered my mind: The mouse could be reanimated by a zombie virus. I decided I should immediately dispose of its body outdoors.
I got back into bed, read a bit and then drifted back into sleep.
My nightmare was over.

3 thoughts on “Nathan Johnson, Mouse Hunter

  1. We had an invasion of mice via purchased stove that was stored in a garage while waiting to be sold. The battle raged my friend. The most gruesome death one endured was crawling into our nanny/nieces laundry basket and getting washed and dried. I was talking to her as she was folding laundry. We assumed it was a lipstick or red pen that caused so much red on her white USD sweats…nope it was the mouse that fell out of the folds of a sweatshirt that was next to be folded.

    I hate critters. I have 22 confirmed kills of bats since we moved to Yankton 67 years ago. 19 in our old home in 3.5 years and 3 in our new home in 3.5 years.

    I hate critters. Did you know that birds don’t have taste buds. Squirrels do though. I add cayenne pepper to my bird seed just to watch the nasty rodents suffer.

    I hate critters.

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