Mystery Marijuana And A ‘Penix’ Exposed

I’m back from a little vacation to Cleveland.

The resting place of President James Garfield, who was died after being shot by an assassin in 1881.

I saw the final resting place of President James Garfield, who was assassinated by a gunman, in the city’s Lake View Cemetery. The monument to Garfield, and the cemetery itself, is quite impressive. It is situated on a hill overlooking much of Cleveland.

I also visited Chagrin Falls, a very pleasant suburb of Cleveland with a waterfall in the center of the community.

In addition, I ate some good Italian, Hungarian and Japanese food. Delicious.

Plus, legendary coach Tom Osborne greeted me at Eppley Airport when I returned to Omaha. Well, he entirely accidentally escorted me down the escalator, anyway.

But all of this is not why you came here. No, I know it was the lure of mystery marijuana and a “Penix.” I won’t disappoint you.

Today’s record contained some interesting entries.

First: A report was received at 5:23 p.m. Tuesday that an unknown male entered a house in Yankton, placed a bag of marijuana on a chair and then departed. The complainant said the male came back and took the marijuana prior to police arrival.

After following up with police, I learned that the witness has some mental health issues, so it’s not quite as mysterious as it at first seemed.

Second: An officer observed a male urinating in a parking lot in the 1000 block of Walnut St. The suspect was given a citation for lewdness.

His last name? Appropriately, it was Penix.

Just to forewarn you, I’m going to start referring to “my penix” in polite company in the hope that it will catch on in the popular vernacular. I prefer its phonetic structure over that of the original.

My apologies to all the Penixes of the world.

OK, hopefully I’ve supplied you with all the childish humor you require for the day. It really was my pleasure.

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